It Was One of Those Days!

I had a really bad day yesterday. My parents and I went to a wedding for a girl and guy I went to high school with. I couldn't make Matthew go with me, even though he had nothing better to do! And as much as I wanted to go to the wedding, I really didn't want to go.

Over the last few months I have slowly separated myself from all of those "friends" I used to have. After the year of planning my wedding and none of them being there for me to talk to or help me or anything, I decided it was time to just stop allowing myself to be close to them since they continuously let me down. I struggled with making that decision, but I knew that it was the right one. It was easy to be okay with it when nothing really changes. They didn't call me before and they don't call me now. I didn't hang out with them before and I don't hang out with them now. A few of them don't live here anymore and the ones that do are consumed in their own things.

But seeing all of those people in one place, enjoying themselves, laughing and talking with each other, I just couldn't handle it. I know that it's wrong to be jealous of other people, but I am jealous of their friendships. Do you know what it feels like to not have any friends? I mean, I have my husband, but it's different. And he has his own friends. So I just feel kind of lonely. I don't know how to fix it other than finding new friends. That's something I haven't done since elementary school!

I went to the wedding and the reception. But I called Matthew to come get me, so I left before the couple ever got there. I cried off and on most of the afternoon and into the evening. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. I felt like the biggest loser on earth. I don't think I'm weird or annoying or anything like that at all. So what's my problem? Why can't I have a friend? I just want one!

Just 6 Short Months Ago...

I can't believe that Sunday made 6 months Matthew and I have been married! Where did time go? We've done so many things, and on the other hand I feel like we haven't done much of anything. If 6 months went by this fast, how fast will the rest of my life go by? Although we've had our fights, I wouldn't change any of it! We've had a lot of fun and I can't wait to see what's happening next!

30 Days of Truth - Day 12

Something you never get compliments on.

Hmm.. I used to get compliments all the time on my clothes and how I dressed. Since I gained all of this weight, I have definitely gotten slack on taking the time to dress nicely. I don't accessorize. I don't care if my clothes even match. I just wake up and rush to get ready so that I won't be late for work. I haven't cared in a long time. I think not taking the time to care and not getting the compliments I was used to getting have affected my self esteem. I've kind of gotten in this vicious cycle of I don't care what I'm wearing, nobody else cares what I'm wearing, if they cared they would compliment me, if they complimented me I would dress nicely, but I don't dress nicely because nobody cares. Hopefully I can start getting some of this weight off of me so I can start wearing my nice clothes again instead of just whatever I can find in my size.

12 Days of Christmas - Day 14

Oprah's Favorite Things: What item(s) would you want if you were in the audience?

Whoa, she has a huge list of favorite things! And I'm not being greedy here, I'm just saying IF I were in the audience I would be super excited to have the following:

• Baker's Edge Lasagna Pan - Not that I make lasagna or anything, but I may want to someday!
• Baker's Edge Brownie Pan - I love brownies!
• Beecher's "World Best" Mac'n'Cheese - But I love macaroni and cheese more!!!
• Centerville Pie Company's Chicken Pie - I don't know what chicken pie, but it sounds good!
• Elfa Customizable Closet System from the Container Store - I would die if I had a customized closet!!! I love organization products, so this would be awesome!
• Five Year Netflix Membership - I would get rid of cable if I had free netflix!
• Le Creuset Cookware - I just love the colors of this stuff!
• Miracle Body Jeans by Miraclesuit - I don't know what these are, but if it miracle and body are both describing the same piece of clothing, then they are definitely for me!
• Nikon D3100 Digital SLR Camera - I don't take a lot of pictures, but I would if I had one of these!
• Royal Caribbean Allure of the Seas Cruise - I have never been on a cruise, so if someone gave me a trip for free, heck yeah I'd be on my way!
• Sony BRAVIA LX900 HDTV with 3D - There's nothing wrong with a girl loving a nice television more than any man ever could!

12 Days of Christmas - Day 13

Favorite Cookie Recipe

I don't have a favorite cookie recipe because growing up my mom definitely took the easy way out of baking. She's admitted that she's a terrible baker, so slice and bake Pillsbury cookies it was! But I have not found one cookie that tastes better than a Pillsbury sugar cookie with a perfect reindeer, snowman, or santa on the front (and back) of every cookie! Yummmmm!