How to Deal with Difficult People

This post is not intended to be mean in anyway. This is just how I feel about the whole situation.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you just could not stand? They are not in your life because you chose for them to be in it but because of someone else you chose to be in your life. They sort of came along as somewhat of a package. You don't have any obligations to spend time with them or even talk to them. But they happen to be at several of the same places.

What makes this even more complicated is how you feel about the person's life choices.

You were raised to have a strong work ethic, believing that you should work hard to achieve your goals and that hard work will always pay off. You were raised to be independent, which allowed you to learn to make wise decisions. You learned that your decisions had consequences, which made you grow into a mature adult who was capable of making proper decisions with limited consequences. You were raised to value your education and to be a lifelong learner. You were raised to observe the world around you and to learn from others in both their accomplishments and mistakes. You were raised to respect your elders, no matter the age difference, and to trust their wisdom. You were raised to be confident and proud of your accomplishments, but not to be cocky and overbearing with your pride. You were raised to be frugal and make do with what you had; if you needed more, then you worked hard to get it.

They could not even get out of bed to finish their senior year of high school; the teachers simply passed them without a single assignment being done. They finally began a two-semester college program which they could not finish because they would not get out of bed to go. They got fired from their part-time job, the first and only job, because they could not do simple bank deposits and then felt they needed a week off work to go to the beach. They depend on their parents and grandparents to provide everything they need and want without any guilt of wasting their money. Instead of seeing how others work hard and following their example, they choose to see how others have babies out of wedlock, stay home without a job, and don't have a single thing going for them. They don't respect their elders; if they did, they would feel guilty about being dependent on their grandparents and living with their parents, not paying a dime of their own money for anything. When people try to give them advice, they yell and scream to get their way and then stomp off when they don't. Their elders have experienced life much longer and have plenty of advice on how to avoid certain pitfalls, but they won't accept their wisdom. The slightest accomplishment (if you can call it that) of getting out of bed gets praise worthy of a saint. There are no accomplishments to be proud of, yet they are beyond proud of the life they lead. And they aren't frugal in the least. When they don't have a job and live with their parents, they should be beyond frugal and try to find a job to help out. But instead they keep on taking.

This is something that has been bothering me for nearly three years. I am beyond irritated at the slightest mention of their name, let alone their presence. I feel very strongly about children being raised to be mature, responsible adults who are positive contributors to society. I understand when times are hard and people struggle to make ends meet. But that is not this situation. This is a blatant defiance of authority and responsibility. And when they do get money from their grandparents, it is used for tattoos, shopping, and tanning. The worst part is that they got married this summer, only making me more furious. If you cannot support yourself with an education and job, make wise decisions, or move out of your parents' house, then you should not be married. That is not marriage. That is two people playing house with someone else's money. That is not life. That is not the real world. It doesn't work that way.

Maybe you think I'm jealous. I can assure you that is not it at all. I am not jealous of her attitude, her disrespect for others, or her overall lack of concern for those around her. I am furious that people like this exist and even more furious that I will forever have to deal with her because she is considered part of my family. I dare to even use the word family. I am ashamed, even embarrassed, of her actions and decisions. And yet I cannot escape her. I don't know how to deal with her any longer. At just the thought or sight of her, I feel like I could explode. I do not have children at the present time, but when the time comes, I cannot even imagine letting her be near my children for fear that her ways will rub off on their young, impressionable minds.

If you have any advice on how to approach this situation to make it even the slightest bit better, I would so appreciate your thoughts! I am at a complete loss as to what I should do. I don't want to act out in anger, which I fear will happen soon. In the last few months, I have avoided it all by just not going around where she may be. I shouldn't have to live my life avoiding seeing others that I do care about just because I'm trying to tiptoe around her. She continually requests to be my friend on facebook. I cannot even bring myself to add her as a friend. I do not want her to know about my life. In the past, she has said some mean things about my friends and about me. I would rather just not even give her the chance to read anything about my life. If she doesn't know anything about it, then she can't say anything mean.

This is the drama of my life. Ugh.