This is something I have really been struggling with. I know that it may sound selfish to want to spend every spare minute with Matthew, but he really is my best friend. And I want to be around him as much as I possibly can. He's goofy and silly and cute and funny! We always have a good time. But when he is working and I am home, I just want to sit there and wait for him to come home.
We have a dog, Cinnamon Raisin, who also is completely in love with Matthew. It really is so cute to see! She will lay on the couch or the floor all day. She won't even play at all. And then she will run to the door when she hears him come home. Her whole body will shake until he comes inside. That's when she jumps up and puts her two front legs around his waist and gives him a hug. Cinnamon just loves her daddy!
I'm starting to feel like I am the same way. I don't want to do anything all day until Matthew is there. I don't know why I'm having a hard time with this. Since I was in the 6th grade, I have gone home after school and taken care of myself. When I turned 16, I was always on the go between school, basketball practice, soccer practice, community service, etc. I never felt dependent on anyone or anything. When I was 17, I drove to Atlanta for my spring break. I lived alone in another town at the age of 19. I bought my own home at the age of 21. I am used to surviving on my own. But there is something about having another person to take care of you and to spend time with you. It just makes you feel good.
I do need to be a little more independent though, I suppose. Maybe that will be a goal for the rest of this year. To be both dependent and independent.
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