30 Days of Truth - Day 4

Something I have to forgive someone for is... I have to forgive Matthew for the past.

Before Matthew and I ever dated, Matthew did some things that I did not and do not agree with. I initially met Matthew when I was 16 and he was 18. I knew what kind of person he was and who his friends were, and I knew that I didn't like the things they did. When we met again, Matthew still participated in these activities. I was on a two week trip to Wyoming and as we began talking on the phone, I don't remember ever saying anything about the things he did. But by the time I came back from my trip, Matthew had stopped what he was doing. By his own will, he chose to stop! And I was impressed by him as a person for making that decision on his own and actually following through with it. But there have been a couple of hurdles since this time that have led to my need to forgive Matthew of his past.

Matthew was raised in a Christian home, but he had gotten in with the wrong crowd and had been negatively influenced since middle school. I am in no way saying that he did not have a choice, because I believe that he did. However, I do believe that the environment in which you live, work, and play makes a big impact as well! I went to a Christian school since first grade and had attended a church for preschool and kindergarten. My family did not go to church every Sunday or even on a regular basis. But I most definitely had the Word of God instilled in me, and I continue to carry it with me every day. I did not have to face the challenges of peer pressure to drink or do drugs. Those things did not exist in my world! And because of that, I cannot say that it is easy to say no. I have no idea how hard it would be to say no to a group of friends pressuring you to do those things.

Although Matthew has matured since then and become independent (for the most part) of his friends, I can't help but fear that he will have a lapse of judgement. And I often find myself worried about what he is doing when he is visiting friends. I so badly want to trust him more than 100%, but with those couple of hurdles sticking out in my mind, I am finding it very hard to believe everything he tells me. This is my husband and best friend. I never thought that I would have this problem! I have been lifting this up in prayer on a daily basis, if not several times a day. I really have to forgive Matthew for his past and trust that he is the changed man I know he is.